oldddddd.

dear jake.

by Stephanie Walden on Wednesday, November 17, 2010 at 1:11am

i wish so bad you were here.
you would help me through all this.
you would keep me strong.
you would be proud of me.
you would still be my big brother.

i wish you didnt have to go.
i know everything happens for a reason.
but didnt god know i needed you here to keep me strong?
didnt he know i needed your advice, and trust, and love?
 didnt he know i needed you as my bestfriend?

i miss you more than anything.
i think about you everyday.
i know your happy up there.

all i can do now is hope you can hear me talking to you.

you would love travis.
hes just like you.
and i thank everyday for him.
but im scared to lose him.
im not strong enough for that.
if i lose him i lose myself.

pease give me a sign itll all be ok.
i love you and ill see you again one day.

damned if u do, bored if you dont.

by Stephanie Walden on Tuesday, October 26, 2010 at 8:53am

i constantly find myself getting wrapped up in thoughts of the past.. things i need to let go of.. things i need to move on from.. you always want your life to be the perfect fairy tale.. when in reality we all go through pain.. we cry... we hurt.. we lose.. everything in life has its ups & downs.. you just have to make the choice of what is actually worth it.. you can't expect people to change into what you want them to be.. you will always be disappointed.. one of the hardest things in life is accepting reality. this has always been a struggle of mine. sometimes the smallest things can make you feel like the world is coming to an end.. you have to know that everything gets easier.. everything passes.. and with time everything will be fine..

take my heart <3

by Stephanie Walden on Tuesday, August 17, 2010 at 12:59am

make as much noise as you can.noone is here to listen.
i read your feelings like a book.
loud and obnoxious your thoughts turn out to be.
i believe in second chaces but a million chances have run out.
lets make this epic.
more beautiful than the music that rings through your voice.
slowely beginning to turn this into a movie like scene.
i hold my breath because i dont want this to end.
impatient and imperfect.
youve waited long enough.
my heart is all yours.

so little the words we speak.

by Stephanie Walden on Saturday, July 10, 2010 at 5:04am

i call and i call.
i speak and i speak.
the words i say fall on deaf ears.
noone ever listens anymore.
5 am calls my name.
dragging at the corners.
ive hurt these people i miss the most.
and now i reap the seeds of pain ive sewn.
i scratch and i scratch at the scars.
hoping they only seem to be fading.
because atleast to me they seem real.
they took a place card in my life.
a memory in my mind.
like the smoke from your mouth.
i miss the memories of you.
and more likely im going to see them when i lay asleep.
missing talking to you.
you. have gone from here.
found a new nitch in your life you love to live now.
and i live alone with my scars and seeds.
and i sew and i sew them into webs we weave.
and slowely i drain my thoughts onto this screen.
and alone i sit.
and alone i slowely die inside.
waiting for a response to this call.
that will never come.


the alcohol has worn off.
and these sleeping pills dont work anymore.
nowhere to call home.
i moved on to fast.
i sit here, and i think.
about when it was all easier.
but itll never change.
and we'll never be the same.

 

before its gone.

by Stephanie Walden on Tuesday, March 9, 2010 at 12:00am

if affection spoke louder than words, you'd make me deaf by now.
you make it seem so easy to love me for who i really am.
itd be so hard to watch you go.
so lets not dwell on those things we shouldve said.
its so crazy how itd make my week to just hear them mention your name.
your 1st, and foremost, your always on my mind.
contemplating phrases, im gazing at eternity. im floating in serenity.
and im lost for words. and i am so overwhelmed.
please dont go yet, can you stay fora moment please?

if tomorrow were a moment away,
would you hold this we have
right here, right now?