Tuesday, March 1, 2011

i know.

that in the past ive made a ton of mistakes. and i used to think you were one of them, but that was my heart trying to protect itself from you again, because it didnt want to get hurt. and i know that things change, have you? i know i have. i know my mindset and my heart are nowhere near as trusting or willing to forgive as they once were, i know ive said i hated you, but i dont. because i know we had tons of good memories, and i thank you for those, they got me through the summer, and made me realize there are better people than the person i was with. i know it didnt go how we planned, or how you planned it to at first but iwill never forget you, i will always be here, and thats just the good in me. and i CANT help it. i was always taught no matter how bad a person treats you to always treat them with kindness, and thats what i do with you. i have no hate towards you. i have no anger. i miss you alot but i wont tell you that, i dont want to make you think its ok to walk all over me becuase im still weak. i still need you, but youll never understand that til its to late. i still see you randomly, but you dont see me. and i know that youve moved on, im ok with that because i want you to be happy. and i dont think you know that either. i can spill my heart out onto this blog, but i doubt that you will read it, or even notice it. if you did then you will finally know how i feel about you. i almost got your last name, but you ended it. and looking back it may have been for the best at the time. theres alot i miss, but i believe that there was initially a plan and thats how it was supposed to go. when your older, married, and have kids i hope you think back and remember me how you loved me the most, and i hope i get invited to your wedding, and baby showers. really i do. because i will always be here for you, and no matter how much ive told you that when you walked away i am not sure how much you believed it. anyways thank you for EVERYTHING you taught me. - stef

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