with her diamond eyes, and sewn up heart.

step through the glass.
let no lie be unseen.
these are the best days or your life.
don't waste it like the rest.
run, don't stop.
your not wasting one minute.
you are a god.
never let anyone tear you down.


My outfits never match,
but I think its better that way.
I love neon and leopard.
I'm obsessed with my new betsey johnson bag and bape sneakers.
I want to write a book.
Drama has just become entertaining.
Nothing can hurt me anymore.
As long as I know who I am,
nothing anyone says can make that change,
Will & Grace is my new favorite show.
Laying in bed till 2 is my favorite.
shaggy hair.
she is the hippy from the eighties.
i hate wearing shoes.
hellokitty has consumed my life.
through thick & thin,
this is a war i will always win.
i will just hold on tight,
and sit back, while enjoying the ride.
gasping for everything breath,
i will live,
no one can take me down.
just hold on. everything will work out.
you have to fight through the bad, to get to the good.
life can't always be perfect.
why do i find myself until 6 in the morning when no one is out and the only sound i hear is my thoughts. where is everyone? i'm not tired. i sit in bed, i start thinking, i never stop thinking.

i love the random adventures. my life is a movie, you never know whats going to happen next.
All my pieces are finally falling together.
Everything is making sense.
In just a few days,
a new chapter in my life will be beginning.

I couldn't ask for anything more at the moment.
And even though I seek to fix my imperfections,
I am slowly learning to deal with them,
and turn them into something beautiful.

No one is perfect,
and there is no reason to spend your lives
searching for perfection.

I am seeking for the other half,
and the day has come.

my hairs darker.
with blonde in it.
i want it like this eventually;;

and i want my monroe.
and new finger tatts.
and coffffeeeeeeee.
life is changing better make the best of it.

CALI BOUND in four days!

im the berlin wall, go ahead and try to tear me down.

life. to live life with no regrets.
to be free, and not let anyone hold you back.
i dance, dance the night away.
few hours of sleep.
i don't care what you say.
your opinions just build my character.
i love this. every minute of it.
i have defined the word reality.
taking everything in, and not holding back..
this month is when everything starts to take action.
thoughts becoming solid ideas.

im addicted to sunflower seeds.
i love to lay in bed eatting them,
while watching marie antoinette with someone i love.
he gets me, and i get him.
everything is finally making sense.
sometimes you have to lose, in order to gain.
i have learned this many times in my life.
the pain is what makes you stronger.
and even though it may seem like the end,
there is always a way out.. a new day.

i moved on. i let go. i walked away.
starting fresh for this new year.
a makeover of the soul.

time to get to work.
photoshoots galore..

2011. lets make this happen.
i love LIFE.

travis.

is amazing. enough said. im in love and itll never change.
i will never leave again. it took leaving to realize that i was truelly deeply in love with him.

cali bound in a week.
flying to sandiego on monday the 15th. and then driving back on the 21st.
hopefully were back by thanksgiving.
cannnnnooooot wait!
im going to miss him while im gone though.
alot of phone calls are going to be made(:

xoxo

ugly little duckling.

i miss some things about when i was young. like how when i turn the tv on on saturday mornings its not all infomercials, there were actual cartoons on not these lame ass cartoons these days. theyre all like not normal i guess,, not the ones im used to anyways. im used to the cartoons like bugs bunny, road runner, homestar runner, felix the cat, ect. ect.
now theres just a bunch of bullshit on tv like who wants to count with mickey mouse, or watch pheneaus and ferb? wth is wrong with the cartoon makers these days? they suck! just saying. idk im ranting over damn cartoons.
and im dissapointed in disney movies these days too. theyre lame.

idk things havent been sitting right with me lately. somethings off. and idk what it is. its depressing. like i hate certain things now, and i wont name them here. but i just do and i cant seem to get past these things.
maybe i moved to fast. maybe i rushed things, ugh im doing it again, i knew i would and now i wish i wouldve been able to take things slowely. maybe i should learn my lesson.
i feel like um im not going anywhere and he's way to far ahead of me. ugh shits so rice. and hoonestly i dont want to talk about it, i dont want to work it out, it wont work out im not gonna force myself to feel something i dont want to.
i have a good point ive come to lately..
how can you fall for someone when your not completely over someone else?
heres the conclusion... you CANT. it isnt possible.
anyways. idk. 

idolizing at the moment.

she could wear a paper bag for a dress and id still love her.

this hasnt exactly been easy for me either.

why do we dwell on things from the past? like im an overthinker so i think about something for days before i settle it in my mind, bad habit. but somehow i tend to think sometimes way too much. and idk why im opening up here just am. need to get it off my chest. you know everytime something has happened its taken a piece of me away and ive gotten a little stronger, or so i tell myself. maybe ive gotten weaker and ignored the fact that weakness is a sign of strength? maybe somethings wrong with me? do alot of people do this? idk its so hard to let somethings go for me, i hold onto things that are important to me and sometimes thats NOT a good thing, and i tend to gravitate towards the happier things in my life. which is yet again NOT always a good thing. basically every good memory stores itself into my important things and from time to time i think about these good memories and get either nostalgic or really sad, depending on the memory.
-definition;;;;
Nostalgia is often triggered by something reminding the individual of an event or item from their past. The resulting emotion can vary from happiness to sorrow. The term of "feeling nostalgic" is more commonly used to describe pleasurable emotions associated with and/or a longing to go back to a particular period of time.

i guess it is common.  idk people change, things change, im constantly changing sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. but who knows maybe ill be able to make everything in my head ok someday. for being so young i feel like i have a lifetimes worth of memories. some bad, and alot good. sorting through them has been a very hard task to do over the years. and most of them i cant remmeber alot about that particular person i just remember that memory of them, like last names i cant remember alot of times, or eye colors, or smells. memories fade someone once told me. ha yeah right if they did drugs. memories are like photographs to me. they dont fade for me.

idk anyways, i smoke to many cigarettes and think to much go figure right.
so my book i got is good i guess, i havent gotten past chapter one yet, its pretty long come to think of it, esp for some1's family history. but hopeffuuully it turns out great. i keep getting in these creative moods, one minute i want to paint all over the walls the next i want to paint over the paintings. im so damn indecisive sometimes it drives me crazy.

and that goes for everything in my life nowadays. i want to smoke, i dont want to smoke. i want to settle down, i dont want to settle down. i want and then dont want. im confusing. and im sure ill never fully figure myself out so why do people keep trying to figure me out? i mean sometimes i give up on figuring myself out so idk how these people dont do that and keep trying.

i guess im being a little harsh on myself tonight..
i noticed earlier i have alot of pet peeves...
like the following are a few;;
i hate wistling, when people cant make decisions for themselves, insecurity, jealousy, scars, when my area is messed with, being interuppted, shit talking, rain unless im going to bed, wind, chill bumps, certain smells, the sound ppl make when chewing or drinking, retarded statements, tripping, immaturity, and people who dont say what they mean to or mean what they say.
and i mean thats a few the list goes on and on.
thats sad. horrible, i need to lighten up.
lets see goals over the next year would be as follows;;;;
1. job
2. car
3. my own apartment in my name.
4. continue modeling.
5. expand my clothes and shoe collection. more vintage stuff.
6. truelly find happiness in myself.
7. be content with every decision made.
8. keep moving forward no matter what. never look back.
9. do not let anyone or anything bring me down.
10. start school.
11. do NOT cut my hair. bangs are ok though.

well im going to bed i think even though im not tired at all. all i want for christmas is ankle boots ( the heel kind preferably two pairs, must be super high heels) and 2 pairs of plain black super tight 00 straight leg jeans. oh and a make up shopping spree. and maybe a few new rings mine are getting a little old. oh annnnnd a pair of non see through leggings please. if i get all that ill be so happy i might cry this year. lol be happy on christmas for once.. is it a possibility? we'll see.

garbage pail gang kid.

its 3;36 am and i had the best 4 hour nap i can remember having in a long time. i remember falling asleep i just dont know why i was so tired. i had a headache and we started watching ghost writer which sucked btw, and i just was out like a light. now im awake got a shower, and am about to watch walk the line.

we went to borders today in search of my book im trying to get its edie; american girl who i have mentioned before is my new idol. i love her, shes absolutely amazing. now if only i can find the book without having to order it online..
 we'll see.

so i am full speed ahead into  my 8-'s fashion era. and its awesome, im in love with the movies, music and styles. hot pants, leggings, leotards, oversized shirts, ankle boots, hats, headbands, im all about it now. it just feels right. i keep getting looked at funny, but i dont care. people dont have an appreciation for what has made the clothes what they are now. if it wasnt for the 80's fashion we wouldnt have the leggings, or ankle boots. so forth and so on for every fashion era. i have a respect for fashion whatever it might be. i always wanted to be a fashion designer, or a model. who knows maybe one day ill get to do both.

went to art walk. first time in a year, but i think we might go every couple months or something. something different to do in our routines. its always fun to look at art for me, becaause everyone see's it differently. art is expression and interpretation, depends on what mood the artist is in to create the art we see.

dax is making me a vanity, and we might go hang out with tim tomorrow. i need new pictures. and i love my new hat! anyways here's somethings im into right now and some inspirations(:

i cant wait for my hair to get long again, i have to remember to take my biotin, so it'll grow faster. i want it to be around rib mid stomach length. and right now its just past my collarbones. and i think im going to go all natural, and not dye it till its all grown out. the ends are horrible! and i cant decide wether to go darker or add blonde. but for now i dont want to make any drastic decisions, so im staying the color it is, which is actuallly a shade lighter than my natural hair color. lol odd i know. but hopefully in a year or shorter itll be all grown out.

i want a new ipod, mines old and doesnt have enough room. plus the now itouch's have a camera i feel very non-tech since i have had mine for like 3 years now.

plans for dax's room are underway. lol. um we plan on getting rid of the futon, and single bed and getting a queen bed, and maybe getting another dresser, some nightstands, painting it orange probably, like a flame orange though, and using brown's. surprisingly they go good together, i plan to hang art after its painted. (and no worries ill leave his section for his dark night posters; i wouldnt take away what makes someone happy) fixing the holes, and getting a flat screen. there will be so much more room in here when were done. for now there's a gloomy bear on the wall, its blue in here, and theres too much stuff. im dealing with it though i mean my room at my grandmas is a storage room. haha not much in there is mine besides the bed and dressers and night stands.

anyways im going to go watch this movie. ive been craving chinese! and sushi(: illl update tomorrow!
xoxo