i havent been on here in a while,

but theres something i need to say.
i miss it, the time when you wouldt hate me, the times we had the numerous laughs.
i feel lost sometimes, feel like i cant do this.

i pick myself up and then something brings me down again, i just wish i could go back to those days. now i miss who you were, and not who you are. youve changed, and in turn changed me.

how can i make this right?

d3ar you.

i let you go.
and you walked away.
remember that you broke my heart into a million pieces.
not vice versa.
idk where you are, or what your doing.
i miss you alot.
but i hope someday you read this and realize what you did.
and i cant wait to see your wedding pictures on fb.
i just hope theyre not to that stupid immature bitch
who treated you like shit.
find someone better and let her go, maybe shell finally
let you live YOUR life without trying to ruin it.

photoblogging.

1) Always and forever: zack.
2) New inspiration for hair. and cats(:
3) Peanut butter treats i made for spunks and jake, they love them!
4) again i should say new obsession.
5) I miss this movie!
6) can I buy this map?!
7) "The one i love is dead"
8) art inspiration i have been having lately.

i havent updated in a while.

but i woke up this morning and my  heart hurt.
hasnt felt this way in a while.
alots been going on, my doctor appt is on may 13th.
so thank god it wasnt and emergency or anything (sarcasm)
IA atlanta is coming up, V2 lab is coming up.
ew ok so my "stalker" lol (shes been named that) is talking to almost all of my ex's
that girl must love sloppy seconds!
and shes trying to be all friends with the KI group. lol none of them know you and already dont like you.
theyre my fam now, so gtfo.
anyways, so races last night, everyone including stalker, and ex trav were there. lmfao.
uh raced a gto and the fan fell off,
ate dinner with granny(: it was schmayyzing.
got some more clothess to take to johns house.
well my house.. our house.
got 3 fish, rajah, samy, and Mr. limpits.
theyre cute as hell!
starting an art series, fiona and franklyn(:
ill have to post pics when im done with the first few drawings(:
my life is pretty goood right now.
i found new pics of zack =/ it hurts.
i miss him more than anyone.
im letting go, im tired of worrying what everyone else thinks.
ive done it wayy to long and i dont care to do it anymore.
im forgetting you, and her.
im walking out on everyone whos walked out on me.
and im starting over.
me, zack, john, and my new fam. and my real fam.
making a break for it.
here goes nothing.

i know.

that in the past ive made a ton of mistakes. and i used to think you were one of them, but that was my heart trying to protect itself from you again, because it didnt want to get hurt. and i know that things change, have you? i know i have. i know my mindset and my heart are nowhere near as trusting or willing to forgive as they once were, i know ive said i hated you, but i dont. because i know we had tons of good memories, and i thank you for those, they got me through the summer, and made me realize there are better people than the person i was with. i know it didnt go how we planned, or how you planned it to at first but iwill never forget you, i will always be here, and thats just the good in me. and i CANT help it. i was always taught no matter how bad a person treats you to always treat them with kindness, and thats what i do with you. i have no hate towards you. i have no anger. i miss you alot but i wont tell you that, i dont want to make you think its ok to walk all over me becuase im still weak. i still need you, but youll never understand that til its to late. i still see you randomly, but you dont see me. and i know that youve moved on, im ok with that because i want you to be happy. and i dont think you know that either. i can spill my heart out onto this blog, but i doubt that you will read it, or even notice it. if you did then you will finally know how i feel about you. i almost got your last name, but you ended it. and looking back it may have been for the best at the time. theres alot i miss, but i believe that there was initially a plan and thats how it was supposed to go. when your older, married, and have kids i hope you think back and remember me how you loved me the most, and i hope i get invited to your wedding, and baby showers. really i do. because i will always be here for you, and no matter how much ive told you that when you walked away i am not sure how much you believed it. anyways thank you for EVERYTHING you taught me. - stef

chest piece?

mmmmmmm yeah probably would be awesome. and soon maybe? i realllly want it, i might have to get it. ommmmmgaaah.

so.

ive been in the hospital. ct scan, cat scan, chest xray, pelvic exam, ultrasound, 5 bags of fluids, 4 bags of antibiotics later im home. they thought it might be appendicitis, but it ended up being cysts on my ovaries. theyre causing me to be sick. so within 10 days i have to go see an OB GYN and have them removed. they gave me a ton of medicine. and the pills are just nasty. and i hate taking medicine. but im just glad to be feeling even a little better than i did when i went in the ER.